The Art of Taming Anal Pleasure
Guide by Afterglo
Illustrations by Mathilde Corbeil
Translation by Laurie Stein
Anal sex and masturbation can be enjoyed by anyone, despite what some cliches suggest. It's not about your sexual orientation, your partner's genitals, or even your own. It's about having the patience and curiosity to discover all kinds of new pleasures.
PLEASURE AS A MISSION
The best way to approach anal pleasure is to do so without having a specific objective in mind. Penetration is often seen as the ultimate goal, but as with anything sensual, the real point is to experience delightful sensations. Stress and worry can increase when you fixate on a specific goal, which is highly counterproductive.
Let's be honest – penetration can be downright magical, but it's just one means of enjoying anal sex.
The best way to approach anal pleasure is to do so without having a specific objective in mind. Penetration is often seen as the ultimate goal, but as with anything sensual, the real point is to experience delightful sensations. Stress and worry can increase when you fixate on a specific goal, which is highly counterproductive.
Let's be honest – penetration can be downright magical, but it's just one means of enjoying anal sex.
Here's how to begin
A few basic principles will help you have a more relaxing and satisfying experience.
TRY TO STAY AWAY FROM WHAT YOU SEE IN PORN
It is no secret that porn is typically the furthest thing from reality. It omits very important steps like asking for consent, gently stimulating the anus, and following a hygiene protocol.
It is no secret that porn is typically the furthest thing from reality. It omits very important steps like asking for consent, gently stimulating the anus, and following a hygiene protocol.
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE CONSENT
Surprise doesn't mix well with relaxation and openness.
Before you start giving attention to their anus, let your partner know and ask for permission. They might be reluctant. It might help to explain your past experiences, provide information about the practice, give them some time to think about it, and maybe their opinions will change. Even if they're opposed to this particular practice, there are still many other things you can explore together to find what excites and connects you.
FIRST, WE TOUCH
Whether you're alone, with a partner, or with a group, the warmth of a touch is the best way to relax, feel, and open up. Do not overlook using your hands.
You could stimulate the anus with oral sex – anilingus (often called rimming) consists in stimulating the anus with the mouth (including the lips and the tongue) – or just have fun by applying pressure on the area while masturbating.
DON'T FORGET TO BREATHE
Become aware of how you breathe. It indicates the state with which you are approaching the experience and you can use it to make it more enjoyable. Anus relaxation is often mentioned, but what matters is being relaxed overall. Take deep breaths and exhale slowly.
Be aware that you cannot consciously control your anal sphincter. Deep breathing relaxes the body and allows it to dilate more easily for greater pleasure.
LUBE IT UP
It cannot be emphasized enough: lube and butt play go hand-in-hand. Don't go too light, go too heavy. If you're worried that you'll end up with excess on your hands, remember that lube can also be applied to the genitals and even on other erogenous areas. And if you're still concerned, just use a towel!
Friction is the enemy here. No one wants to experience overheating. We're going for a sexual slip-and-slide instead!
WHAT IF IT HURTS?
Perhaps you didn't use enough lubricant. In this stage, the discomfort is a burning or tingling sensation. It can also be a more global soreness, as well. If adding more lubricant does not solve the problem, the pain might be coming from the anal muscles. In this case, it would be wise to take a step back. Try a smaller toy, remove a finger, be more gentle, or go back to caresses. You'll see that muscles relax at a different pace. Even experienced butt players have moments that require extra relaxation time. Be patient with yourself and remember that you can try again at another time. With respect, attention, and patience you will find your own pace for a potentially breathtaking experience.
WHAT ABOUT HYGIENE?
That's probably what turns off the most people. And yet, simply going to the bathroom 30 to 60 minutes before a relationship and washing well (in the shower or with moist, unscented wipes) will typically do the trick.
Those who are more ambitious or more anxious can opt for more thorough cleaning. Do an enema (rectum rinse) one to two hours before anal play, in the shower or on the toilet. A few cups of lukewarm water are enough. Too much water or too hot water can overstimulate your digestive system or cause irritation. Keep soap and any kind of perfume out of the way as well.
As a general rule, use water you would drink (in terms of cleanliness and temperature). It's the best way to guarantee that nothing will be irritated!
IF THINGS STILL GET MESSY, WHAT THEN?
Sometimes we are spontaneous and there’s no issue. Other times, we prepare thoroughly and still, shit happens. We can never completely eliminate the chance that this will occur. As they say, it's all part of the game. We can't always expect our bodies to act the way we want. This is true for everyone and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. But hey ... no matter what we know, emotions can fool us. In this situation, partners have an important role to play.
When there is a leak, there is a direct and foolproof solution: clean up, jump in the shower together, and explore other areas. Or, leave it there and come back later. Not much drama here, just some bodily pleasures and fresh excitement.
Again, if the thought of making a mess scares you, your best ally is a simple towel. Throw it in the washing machine afterwards, and you're good to go!
Oh, and please don't go directly from anus to vagina without cleaning your finger, toy, or penis first!
TOYS, TOYS, TOYS
You can find countless toys to satisfy countless pleasures. We can play with them alone or with others. You can wear butt plugs of different sizes before a sexual encounter or for the sensations they provide. They can be worn at any time of the day, including during intercourse, while being penetrated, and while penetrating our lover. Butt plugs and dildos come in different textures and colours. Some even vibrate or are weighted. They can be used for all kinds of sensations in all kinds of positions. So, go ahead – it’s time to play and explore!
Whether we are alone or with others, whether we u are playing with toys, our genitals or our hands, the approach is always the same: breathe, never force anything, and follow your pleasure.
